It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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