Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
