I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
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I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
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They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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