yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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