Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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