We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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