Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
