are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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