dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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