Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
