I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
