who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
