I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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