If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
