I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
