just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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