All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize