hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
