That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
