That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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