Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
