Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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