literally had 100 drinks last night.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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