Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just sent this text using only my big toe
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
