Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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