so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
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