hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I want her autograph on my taint
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
