I'm really into asian looking animals
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
