I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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