You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
