You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
