You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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