Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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