I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
