I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
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Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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