I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
