apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
My vagina just recognized that song.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water