He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
33 Sex Crazed People That Are Going Balls Deep
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them