i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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