Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.

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(306): I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help. http://tfl.nu/3amb

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!

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(401): This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan! http://tfl.nu/8a5r

Replies (26) Good night (5255) Bad night (878)
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(716): View more from New York

i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.

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(716): i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby. http://tfl.nu/gnwv

Replies (35) Good night (4193) Bad night (1158)
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(239): View more from Florida

In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.

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(239): In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now. http://tfl.nu/wa2b

Replies (32) Good night (9278) Bad night (1656)
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(318): View more from Louisiana

We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done

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(318): We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done http://tfl.nu/r8w7

Replies (4) Good night (3419) Bad night (1070)
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(616): View more from Michigan

I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D

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(616): I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D http://tfl.nu/kf4w

Replies (8) Good night (2494) Bad night (494)
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(229): View more from Georgia

I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.

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(229): I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland. http://tfl.nu/f2v9

Replies (17) Good night (2701) Bad night (790)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now

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(612): New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now http://tfl.nu/fnbr

Replies (11) Good night (1890) Bad night (469)
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(815): View more from Illinois

It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.

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(815): It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry. http://tfl.nu/yfvq

Replies (13) Good night (282) Bad night (853)
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(719): View more from Colorado

That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie

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(719): That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie http://tfl.nu/8hsx

Replies (1) Good night (351) Bad night (677)
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(641): View more from Iowa

I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.

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(641): I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change. http://tfl.nu/5jew

Replies (2) Good night (975) Bad night (444)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.

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(919): Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him. http://tfl.nu/jn2a

Replies (2) Good night (803) Bad night (178)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.

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(304): Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination. http://tfl.nu/22p5

Replies (4) Good night (356) Bad night (146)
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room

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(780): You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room http://tfl.nu/9izd

Replies (0) Good night (235) Bad night (415)
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(925): View more from California

Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.

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(925): Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties. http://tfl.nu/9kne

Replies (2) Good night (378) Bad night (739)

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