Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(870): View more from Arkansas

I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.

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(870): I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership. http://tfl.nu/f8ej

Replies (50) Good night (6632) Bad night (1413)
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(248): View more from Michigan

I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.

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(248): I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships. http://tfl.nu/wu4m

Replies (33) Good night (4383) Bad night (1250)
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(407): View more from Florida

I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.

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(407): I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care. http://tfl.nu/n9k1

Replies (14) Good night (4781) Bad night (672)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.

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(215): you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'. (215): we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk. http://tfl.nu/6wc5

Replies (27) Good night (6734) Bad night (845)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side

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(918): Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side http://tfl.nu/owir

Replies (24) Good night (1315) Bad night (7655)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game

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(304): But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game http://tfl.nu/osln

Replies (23) Good night (5722) Bad night (987)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her

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(612): I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her http://tfl.nu/lmu7

Replies (10) Good night (3725) Bad night (1302)
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(518): View more from New York

in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility

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(518): in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility http://tfl.nu/vdpc

Replies (8) Good night (3542) Bad night (787)
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(386): View more from Florida

At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?

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(386): At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"? http://tfl.nu/260m

Replies (12) Good night (2185) Bad night (617)
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(518): View more from New York

Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.

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(518): Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you. http://tfl.nu/bm50

Replies (6) Good night (2006) Bad night (647)
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(803): View more from South Carolina

i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)

(1-803): View more from South Carolina

Did you watch the carolina game tonight?

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(803): i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;) (1-803): Did you watch the carolina game tonight? http://tfl.nu/ae37

Replies (18) Good night (2311) Bad night (908)
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(480): View more from Arizona

I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.

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(480): I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight. http://tfl.nu/cc82

Replies (4) Good night (459) Bad night (808)
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(580): View more from Oklahoma

I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.

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(580): I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her. http://tfl.nu/o5ak

Replies (6) Good night (653) Bad night (252)
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(802): View more from Vermont

I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.

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(802): I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises. http://tfl.nu/ux2t

Replies (1) Good night (689) Bad night (289)
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(843): View more from South Carolina

yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed

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(843): yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed http://tfl.nu/7mxw

Replies (5) Good night (284) Bad night (472)

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