Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(828): View more from North Carolina

can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.

(919): View more from North Carolina

wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!

(828): View more from North Carolina

i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.

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(828): can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later. (919): wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here! (828): i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa. http://tfl.nu/e72d

Replies (2) Good night (952) Bad night (828)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.

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(202): if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision. http://tfl.nu/8vkq

Replies (2) Good night (824) Bad night (800)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER

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(508): WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER http://tfl.nu/4rej

Replies (12) Good night (676) Bad night (4375)
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(334): View more from Alabama

I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out

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(334): I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out http://tfl.nu/mv9d

Replies (42) Good night (837) Bad night (3748)
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips

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(920): I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips http://tfl.nu/g3ng

Replies (6) Good night (3029) Bad night (979)
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(518): View more from New York

Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.

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(518): Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy. http://tfl.nu/6ng1

Replies (5) Good night (3859) Bad night (831)
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(707): View more from California

I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.

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(707): I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard. http://tfl.nu/m0o4

Replies (3) Good night (1627) Bad night (944)
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(916): View more from California

let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.

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(916): let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again. http://tfl.nu/i76s

Replies (4) Good night (2197) Bad night (599)
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(719): View more from Colorado

She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.

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(719): She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance. http://tfl.nu/lni2

Replies (2) Good night (1436) Bad night (598)
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(859): View more from Kentucky

in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"

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(859): in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick" http://tfl.nu/v34k

Replies (18) Good night (4783) Bad night (973)
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(773): View more from Illinois

Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?

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(773): Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea? http://tfl.nu/7pdo

Replies (4) Good night (986) Bad night (503)
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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.

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(902): He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame. http://tfl.nu/bxcb

Replies (5) Good night (1065) Bad night (757)
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(818): View more from California

The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.

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(818): The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it. http://tfl.nu/rmr6

Replies (6) Good night (469) Bad night (1458)
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(416): View more from Toronto

I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.

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(416): I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am. http://tfl.nu/zlza

Replies (18) Good night (453) Bad night (790)
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(519): View more from Ontario

How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?

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(519): How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman? http://tfl.nu/w1hy

Replies (3) Good night (338) Bad night (436)

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