Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
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I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
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But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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