So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize