we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
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His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
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Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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