Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
