I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
