just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
