I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
