He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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