went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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