There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
