Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
