Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
