Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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