ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
