bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
