Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
