Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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