Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
