non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
