Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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