Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
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i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
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I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
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